i need to learn what makes *me* happy. i need to justify my happiness in something. maybe i need to imagine myself as someone else, and try to make them happy?

there's music, like st. vincent, african head charge, black dresses, but nothing else immediately comes to mind.

doing art has made me happy sometimes, i make art to try to reach that happiness. i'm going to try studying different artstyles and just kind of doing what they do, and see if i can create something i like from doing that.

i thought going on bike rides would make me happy but it just makes me feel even more lonely. the world is so big, so many empty streets with nobody around.

4:16pm may 16th