today we spoke again. from the second i joined i was worried that it'd be our last time. i'm a much more independant person than i was three weeks ago, i'm pretty proud of myself. but it's a lot of time to be without someone who your life kind of revolved around. i haven't ever 'isolated' myself in my life and i'd struggle to do so, or where to begin. i don't want her to be the reason i live. she was for so long. i kept myself going for her to make sure she was alright, because of a promise i made a while ago. knowing that things might never be the same again. learning to love another person is what i want to be capable of doing. the thoughts are instrusive.

i realize i started spiraling immediately after you didn't answer the question i asked, as if that's what caused it. i still need to learn healthy coping mechanisms.

may 31st 7:48pm, 2022